Thursday, March 1, 2012

West Virginia Humor

All my life I've heard the "toothless, shoeless, incest, trailer park, low IQ, 'get granny out o' th' bath tub, the pig needs a drink!' jokes about West Virginians. Well, let us toss a little 'pre-emption' out there for all to enjoy.
What can I say?
Yes, I was born in West Virginia; it is a great place to be from...
1.5 million people and only four last names...

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!

Q. What do a tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?

A. Someone always loses a trailer.

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q. What do West Virginians do on Halloween?

A. Pumpkin!

Q. Why do ducks fly over West Virginia upside down?

A. There's nothing worth crapping on!

Q. What is the West Virginia state flower?

A. The satellite dish!

Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar West Virginia State Lottery?

You gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.

Why do folks from West Virginia go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?

17 and under not admitted.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the

Same DNA.

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in West Virginia burned down?

Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Two West Virginians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey, Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens."

"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"

"I'll give you both of them."

"OK. Ummmmm......, five?"

A West Virginian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door,
telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here.

My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"

The West Virginian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car.

"Want to go in the back seat?" she asked.

"No," he replied.

A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the back seat?"

"No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."

A hitchhiker from West Virginia was picked up by a guy in a big Lincoln Continental. The West Virginian

noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked, "What are those things for?" The driver said,

"They're to hold my balls while I drive." "Boy," exclaimed the West Virginian, "these Lincoln Continentals

have everything, don't they?"

West Virginia Computer Terms

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods

BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern

BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick

BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro

CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps

CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in

TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker

CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited

DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers

DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer

FAX - What you lie about to the IRS

HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking

HARD COPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos

INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair

KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere

MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food

MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers

MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall

MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live

NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line

ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test

ROM - Where the pope lives

SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch

SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast

SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year

SCSI- pronounced 'skuzzy'  What you call your week-old underwear

Dumb West Virginia Laws



No child shall attend school with thier breath smelling of onions.
Blogger's note: If you've ever eaten a 'ramp' you'd understand this law.

When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers.

It is illegal to snooze on a train.

Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.

According to the state constitution, it is unlawful for anyone to own a red or a black flag.

If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.

Roadkill may be taken home for supper.

Whistling underwater is prohibited.

One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.

No member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.

Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

It is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse steps.

"There, satisfied?
'Ha-ha hell!'

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