Monday, March 12, 2012

From the Poetry Page: Limericks

Oh, those chilly girls from Lillehammer,
They make love in a curious manner.
They let down their panel
In the rear of her flannel
Giving access to where you’ll jam her!

There once was a monkey named Clyde,
He had a sharp thorn in his side.
Try as he may,
It wouldn’t go away.
So he hung from his limb and he cried.

Swiftly, Sundance turned and shot the man.
Put a bullet right through his hand.
The cowboy dropped his gun,
Stumbled, then turned to run.
Laughing, Butch thought that shot was just grand!

There once was an old hermit named Dave.
He kept a used sex doll in his cave.
Partially inflatable at best,
And was missing a breast,
But, look at the money he saved!

"How in the world did you get it so far in?"
Asked a lady I romanced in Warren,
"I have quite a tight spot."
"Ahh, no indeed you do not!"
It's so big I could drive my new car in!"

A restaurant patron named Sir Drew,
Found a severed penis in his beef stew.
Plead the waiter, “Don’t shout,
Nor wave it about,
Else the others would all want one too!"

The Astronaut was exceptionally bright,
His ship was much faster than light.
He blasted off one day,
in a relative way,
and returned on the previous night!

My girlfriend and I have just wed,
Already I wish I were dead.
Two weeks she's been spending,
on shoe sales neverending,
Now we are thousands of dollars in the red!

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