Saturday, February 18, 2012

One Step Forward, Slide Back Two

"If  it can go wrong, it will."- Murphy's Law
Have you ever gotten into that rut where no matter how much you do NOT want something to go wrong, it does?
No matter how important it is not to screw up, you do?
 The last person you want to piss off , you can't help but raise his ire?
Need a change?
Don't wait for your luck to change; you'll need to buck up and and fly right on your own accord! 
Scientifically speaking the universe does tend to go toward chaos.
But, in the everyday scheme of things...
This, my man, is what is referred to as 'Murphy's Law'
Here from the web pages of Murphy himself is a few of the most pessimistic quotes I've ever had the privilege to snicker about:

 When it goes wrong it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong first.

If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.

The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.

Murphy's Laws of Selective Gravitation.

A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.

A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).

If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.

If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
Things get worse under pressure.

The Murphy Philosophy
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.

Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws
Everything goes wrong all at once.

Murphy's Constant
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

Murphy's Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.

More Murphy's Law

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Anyway, a person could go on forever with the negativeness of Murphy's Laws, but remember that there is aways someone in the world that would give anything,ANYTHING they have to be in your shoes.
Speaking of shoes, my mother's answer to Murphy's Law went something like this:
"I was bitching because I had no shoes, until I met the guy that had no feet."

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