Friday, January 13, 2012

Election Year: time for some president jokes!

I poke fun at more than one president here,but I'll have to admit the Democrats are taking a good hit, especially Bill Clinton...he's hilarious!

Hilary Clinton was interring the White House when she noticed a snow bank with a message on it written in urine. It said,"Hilary is a whore!"
She angrily searched out the White House chief of security and demanded to know who was responsible for this outrageous insult.
The President had left for Arkansas that morning for a political rally and was not there to witness her anger.
"Hilary is a Whore!" written in yellow snow! She was mad as hell! She stomped off to her office to await the results.Heads were gonna roll!
That evening the head of security was standing before the first lady with a folder in his hand.
"Well?" demanded Hilary.
"Yes,Ma'am, I have the results right here.We ran some tests and can identify the culprit."
"Go on."
He opened the file and read,"The writing was Monica Lewinski's hand writing,"
"That bitch!" exclaimed the first lady.
"Yes,Ma'am, the urine sample belongs to Bill Clinton."

After losing his bid for reelection in 1992 George Bush Sr. and the new President Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave.
Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse."
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"
Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife Barbara doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell. At Hell's gates he meets Satan. Satan tells Clinton that Hell is full, but that Clinton will be replacing one of the current inhabitants, and he will be given the choice of who he will replace forever in Hell.
Three doors appear before Clinton. The first door opens. Behind it is Newt Gingrich. He's being forced to pound big rocks into little rocks. Upon seeing Newt in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says, "I feel his pain! I don't think so."
The second door opens. Behind it is Ted Kennedy. He is bobbing for automobile parts in a large pool of dirty water. Grimacing at the filthy scene, Clinton says, "Not for me."
The third door opens and behind it is Ken Starr. He's naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
"I can handle that!" Clinton proclaims enthusiastically.
"Very well," says Satan. "Monica, you may go."

Four United States Presidents got caught up in a tornado and off they whirled to the land of OZ.
They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard...
"What brings the four of you before the great Wizard of Oz?"
Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly: "I've come for some courage."
"No Problem," said the Wizard. "Who's next?"
Richard Nixon stepped forward, and said: "Well, I think I need a heart."
"Done," says the Wizard. "Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"
Up stepped Bush and said: "The American people say that I need a brain."
"No problem," said the Wizard. "Consider it done."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around,

"Is Dorothy Here?"

Presidential trivia: In the last 110 years there has been 20 presidents, but only four that have served exactly one term; no more, no less.
Taft 1909-1913
Hoover 1929-1933
Carter 1977-81
Bush Sr. 1989-1993


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